Why Republicans Are Such Bad Drivers

Maybe you’ve noticed this too: Whenever I see a car out on the road that’s not being driven properly, it’s typically a Republican behind the wheel. For example, there was a black Ford Explorer on Highway 36 today that was crowding the center line. Sure enough, there was a McCain ’08 bumper sticker on the back. Also, there’s a guy at work who’s had three speeding tickets in the past five years. You guessed it—he’s a Republican.

Here’s a short “bad-driving” list especially common among Republicans:

1. They don’t turn their lights on when it’s getting dark, foggy, rainy or snowy. Since they can still see us Democrats (with our lights appropriately on), they assume that we can still see them. Hey Republicans, we can’t see you! Turn your lights on. 
2. They drive in the left lane at the same speed or slower than the cars in the right lane. If there aren’t any Democrats behind you, then I guess it doesn’t matter that much. But lots of times there are whole bunch of Democrats and even some Republicans waiting for you to either pass or fall back behind the car on your right. We try to be patient. But with you clogging up the passing lane, we start to get antsy and that can lead to accidents. If you think you’re being a safe driver by making sure that no one can drive any faster than you, well let’s just say that you’re probably sporting a NoBama bumper sticker.
3. Quite often Republicans turn their car when I think they’re going straight. Why the misunderstanding? Because Republicans are much less likely to use their turn signals. I’ll be waiting for a car to pass by before pulling out of McDonald's, when the car suddenly slows and pulls into the parking lot beside me. Well I could have already been gone and out of your way—if I’d known that you were turning in. 
4. Many Republicans use the shoulder as a turn lane well before the turn lane is actually marked on the road. The problem is that if I wait to move into the right turn lane until I’m supposed to, I nearly get bashed by Republicans cruising up behind me on the shoulder. Maybe Democrats and Republicans could work together to extend the length of the turn lanes where this is common, such as on Highway 36 at Century. Until then, please at least drive slow enough on the shoulder to not smack the cars that wait until the actual turn lane begins to move over.
5. Lastly, it’s common for Republicans to merge into one lane way before a merge sign. It works best if everyone fills both lanes right up until the road narrows. Then take turns. If you merge ahead of me 300 yards before the actual merge and seven other Republicans also merge in front of me, then I’m going to spend much more time stuck in traffic than people in the other lane. But if we all just stayed in our lanes and took turns at the very end, we wouldn’t have all this merge angst. Sometimes Democrats do this too. But it’s mostly Republicans.

Have a safe holiday season!