Tartan English Teacher Reflects on Dealing with Traumatic Grief of Daughter's Murder

Tartan High School English teacher Nancy Olson shared insights on dealing with traumatic grief as an educator at a K-12 luncheon series session at Century College on Thursday, Oct. 13.

Olson’s 24-year-old daughter Katherine, a St. Olaf College graduate, was murdered on Oct. 25, 2007, when answering an ad on Craigslist for a babysitting job. Olson and her family struggled to continue with their lives as they plunged into a new world of traumatic grief.

A gifted teacher with a big heart for kids, Olson is back teaching at . She shared that young people need to be taught how to be thoughtful with one another and how to write condolence notes. As she struggled with traumatic grief, Olson said notes that indicated people were thinking of her and thinking of Katherine really bolstered her spirits. For example, though the two did not really know each other, Candy Peterson of North St. Paul sent her frequent cards that were persistent, diligent, caring and much-appreciated. While long hugs from people in the school hallway were not particularly helpful, surprise flowers from Superintendent Patty Phillips and flexibility from Tartan Principal John Bezek did help ease the pain.

With her nights filled with images of Katherine in mortal distress, Olson said a surprising thing helped diminish those mental images—getting a dog. She had never had a dog growing up, but she found that raising and caring for a dog, with all its innocence and unconditional love, helped ease her pain and lessen her nightmares.

It also was consoling to start a scholarship in Katherine’s name, Olson said. The scholarship at St. Olaf College helps keep Katherine’s memory alive, and helps young people who are struggling to pay for their education.

Olson said it would be helpful for educators to have training in all aspects of grief. For example, they may not realize how potent grief can be on certain anniversaries or birthdays.

“We need to come up with more positive, ongoing ways for people to deal with loss,” Olson said.

Creative activities such as painting rooms in her home have helped her. Gardening and singing also helps, she said.

“We need to expand ways that students can find creativity and beauty,” Olson said.

She advised districts to maintain funding for the arts because the experiences that students have in theater, music and art classes sustain them through their lives.

Olson said she brings her authentic self to the classroom, and she does get weepy occasionally.

“I tell my students to just let it pass,” she said.

Olson said she also has become really direct with parents about their need to take more responsibility for their children.

“I don’t run away from the chance to have an impact,” Olson said. “I don’t avoid the conversation.”

Olson said it was very meaningful to her to be able to share her story with a group of educators.

“It means a lot to me that you find something valuable in our story,” said Olson. “I live with paralyzing fear that people will forget Katherine. Sharing the story keeps her alive for me.”