Chinese New Year 2014; An unexpected family affair

I just boarded a Peoria Charter Bus that will transport my daughter and me to the Chicago O’Hare International Airport, and then back to Gaungzhou, China.  This is my third year of celebrating Chinese New Year, and this year was an unexpected family affair. 

We arrived to my hometown of Peoria, Illinois on Sunday January 26 after a canceled flight, an overnight in Beijing and a missed bus. This was all taken in relative stride, with visits to friends in Beijing, watching lots of movies from seats in the first class (compensation from our canceled flight) and having skype conversation with my parents and niece while waiting in Chicago. 

Nothing could have prepared me for what lied ahead.

My father and his neighbor Austin were planning to pick us up at the bus station in Peoria at around 10:00 pm.  It was a sub freezing night, the bus station was locked and no one was there to get us.  I had very little US currency, but dug around to find 50 cents to make a call to my Mom. ‘Where is Dad???” 

When my brother and his wife picked us up a few minutes later, I was told that my father had a massive heart attack only 5 hours earlier. Racked with exhaustion, emotion and heartache, I just wailed.  Anna, alarmed, sad and scared, ran off in the cold.  I imagine it was a scary moment for her. We collected Anna in a big group hug and carried on to do what needed to be done next.

That very afternoon, soon after I skyped my Mom and Dad, niece and nephew from Chicago, my father said he felt dizzy and collapsed.  Mom, who was alone in the house with him at the time and who had just got out of the hospital with knee replacement surgery, called 911.  They told her she MUST turn him over. She MUST give him CPR.  This was quite a task for her – both because of her knee and being on pain medicine.  But she did it.  Turned him over. One hundred compressions. Breathes, Compressions, Breathes.  Calling out in between, please call my son.

Steve, my brother, arrived as the paramedics arrived.  He went with my father in the ambulance where he saw them giving him CPR, but his heart would not start beating.  It wasn’t until they got to the hospital that they managed to get a heartbeat. Forty-five minutes without oxygen to the brain.

The next 72 hours were a painful medical experiment.  They put my Dad on life support and in a “frozen coma” to see if that would bring him back.  This body temperature was brought to 91 degrees F and the idea is it can allow the body to reboot.  But this particular body had had a 5x bypass surgery just two years ago, no oxygen for a long time and was not likely to respond to a reboot.

They warmed him back up after 30 hours and then we spent the day talking to him, staying near him, just talking - hoping for some sign that he was with us.  The effort was real and hopeful.  But when the day ended my brother and I were confident that he was already in heaven, having left us right in his own kitchen on Sunday.

The decision to pull life support was logical and necessary.  My brother and Mom, who were with him in that kitchen and in that ambulance, had already been through trauma.  It was my turn.  I stayed with him when they took the tubes and wires out.  He never took a breath and my hand was on his heart when the beating stopped.  I could comfortably tell my family that they were right – he left us on Sunday.

Thursday was spent picking my husband Daniel up at the airport and making arrangements.  My Mom, only one week out from her knee replacement, required a regimen of pain medicines every two hours, a motion machine three times a day and icing for 20 minutes of every hour.  This was and is a great distraction to the pain of losing your life partner.  I sometimes wonder if this was part of the master plan.

Making funeral arrangements is no fun. It’s not like you are going to shop around.  But the decision to have a Celebration of Life filled my heartbreak with a sense of purpose and direction. Old pictures were brought out and scanned. Choosing music that he loved.  Finding objects that were of particular importance, like chickens and morel mushroom art. Calls and emails from family and friends.

My Chinese New Year started to form on Friday, when my daughter went to her 3rd grade cousin’s room to share traditions of Chinese New Year. She brought them all Hong Bao with Chinese money inside. She performed a tea ceremony. She made them dumplings. 

Over the weekend, family started to arrive from all over. Blake and Ashley from the East Coast, Jimmy from Florida, Aunts and Uncles from Florida, Mexico and California.   Sister-in-laws and cousins from Minnesota.  This was not an easy event to attend with this crazy winter weather.

Cards arrived at the house. Plants and flowers.  Food and more food. 

One distinct memory includes my cousins Shanon and Heidi, my sister in law Amy and our daughters Anna and Ashley all hanging out in the upstairs bedroom  at my brothers working on a big poster board to honor my Dad and telling fun “Wessels” stories. That sight was definitely making my Dad smile from heaven.

There were more than 174 families/names signed in for my father at the visitation. There were at least 100 people at the Celebration of Life and at the “Toast to Chicken Dick” Celebration after the services. We saw Dad and Mom’s cousins, old friends from the many aspects of all of our lives.  It was exhausting and humbling and terrifically sad and terrifying all at the same time.

One testament to my father was Maudie who works at the Kickapoo Shell gas station. She was a young woman who came to the visitation with a card from all of the staff at the Shell Station and told me that “your Dad was very special. He always asked about my family and really was interested in my life. I loved seeing him for morning coffee with his ‘boys’.”

The six people who spoke at the service all noted that my Dad had a way of making everyone feel special and like they were part of our family.  What a gift we were all given by having known him.

Chinese New Year is the time of year to connect with family and friends.  My Dad made that happen this year, in an unexpected, bittersweet way. 

So now, my life will have to go on.  My Aunt is staying with my Mom as we head back to China. Most likely my Spring Break will bring me back to my hometown. Life will change, as life does.  Daniel always tells me “Life works; Have faith”.  I need to hold on to those words.