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Health & Fitness

Culture Shock: Introducing the 3 P's!

Daniel viewed a lady who was scooping poop from the sidewalk and he thought, "there must be a dog here," but no, it was the child with her who just crouched down and did his businesses.

I recently read an article about Beijing written by humorist David Sedaris called Chicken Toenails Anyone?  In it, he describes some of the more uncomfortable “situations” about Beijing that made some Beijingers quite upset. Being new to this country and city, I could relate to Mr. Sedaris, but am trying to also keep an open mind. In today’s blog I will address the three P’s of life here: pee, poop and pollution.

For those not familiar, the type of toilet here is known as the Squat Toilet (or Squatty Potty). Even in some of the more Western businesses, this is the type of toilet you will encounter. You are not given toilet paper in these types of bathrooms, and if you manage to bring some, you are not to put it in the toilet.  The Chinese society seems to have a very different take on bodily functions, and that can take some getting used to. In our home and at our school, we have a western-style toilet. So, you learn to hold it. Sometimes this is difficult, especially if you’re a mature man with a prostate the size of a watermelon or an individual who likes to experiment with street cuisine. Sometimes experiments have unexpected, explosive after-effects.

If you are not near a toilet or bathroom and are under 3 years old, this is not a problem. You would be wearing the famous split pants and have free access to anyplace. We spent yesterday at the Beijing Zoo and had our share of the freedoms of childhood. Daniel viewed a lady who was scooping poop from the sidewalk and he thought, “there must be a dog here,” but no, it was the child with her who just crouched down and did his businesses.  In other parts of the zoo we witnessed children “watering” trees, bushes and the curbs. You add this phenomenon to the “hocking up a big loogie” (David Sedaris likens this to the sound of an espresso machine) and spitting it—old ladies, young ladies, men, boys—and one is forced to embrace, ignore or join in. Daniel states: it is a bit disconcerting to notice an attractive 20-something young lady walking at you, you begin to conceive carnal stirrings and suddenly you hear the unmistakable sound of the forthcoming expulsion. The forbidden thoughts melt from your brain far quicker than any cold shower remedy. Yet perhaps even more disturbing is the mature woman, dressed to the nines—obviously out for an evening with her beautiful family—who passes and greets you in the same manner. I am doing my best to ignore, but it is still quite startling to me.

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Finally—for the moment—pollution. In this case, I am talking about Beijing air quality. As I understand it, it has improved significantly over the past 10 years.  When we first arrived in late July, we were pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t as bad as we expected. It was three weeks into the school year before we had our first high pollution day and students were not allowed to go outside for gym or break times. It was just last week that I felt the effect. I was on my way to a parent dinner after school and ended up on a fast walk to get a taxi—about a half-mile walk. The air quality index was 445 and it had been this high for two days. When I got in the taxi, I just couldn’t catch my breath. I thought, “this is how a person with asthma must feel." By the next morning the wind had come up and cleared the skies (now an Air Quality Index of 45). It was a beautiful day. The government finally decided to do something about the air and made the wind blow (we think). They do it with rain—and this is a fact. I didn’t believe Daniel when he told me this, but I looked it up and it is true. Daniel doesn’t see why they can’t do it with the wind. Oh, the joys of a command economy. Still I do pity the people downwind.

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