Oakdale Parents Plan Picnic For Others Who've Lost Children

When you’ve been through something as unimaginable and traumatic as losing a child, it’s difficult for others to understand what you’re going through unless they’ve had a similar experience.

“You can sympathize,” said Kristi Schaut, “but unless you’ve actually been there you can never fully understand.”

To give parents who are connected by the loss of a child a place to talk, remember, laugh and cry, Schaut and her husband Mark organize a family pot luck picnic each year that’s open to all—something they started three years ago after losing their own daughter Nikki to cancer at age 16 when she was a student at .

“It’s just a way for everybody to come together and talk and have one day a year that it is OK to remember your kids and talk about it,” she said. “Sometimes you have tears, sometimes you just have sharing good, happy memories.”

This year’s Remembering Our Children picnic is Aug. 6 at . The Schauts supply the hot dogs, bottled water and chips, and guests are asked to bring a dish to share. Everyone is welcome, she said.

Char Kanski, who attends the picnic each year, lost her son Jared Stene to a rare genetic disorder at age 22. She said losing a child is different from every other type of grief—it affects you every day of your life.

“It’s wonderful because everyone there knows what you’ve gone through, knows what you’re going through,” Kanski said. “It’s where you can go and you can be who you need to be without any thoughts of how it looks to anyone else.”

Kanski said she wanted to issue a “big invitation” to any other parents out there who’ve experienced the loss of a child.

“We just would love to spend time with you and hear your story about your child,” she said. “It's almost like they come to life in that moment.”

Beyond the picnic, Schaut said most parents who’ve lost children try to keep their memories alive by giving back somehow. The Schauts offer scholarships through Tartan High School and in their daughter’s name, they are involved in Tartan High School’s Relay for Life, they serve on the bereavement service panel at Children’s Hospital and the are wish grantors for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Their daughter Emile, now age 16, has also been by their side through much of their service, Schaut said.

After going through such a loss, Schaut said, life’s problems seem much more trivial.

“Life is just lots more precious to you,” she said. “You just know that material things are not important. You value life a lot more.”

Reservations for the picnic are requested, but not required. The picnic takes place from noon to 4 p.m. Aug. 6 at the Walton Park bandshell. Click here for more information.